The Heart of Marriage: Love, Commitment, and Restoration

In a world where relationships often seem fragile and fleeting, the concept of marriage as a lifelong commitment can feel like a fairy tale or all together radical idea. Yet, when we look at marriage through the lens of faith and God's design, we see the lifelong commitment as extremely practical and realistic. Often our views of commitment are twisted by the pains we have felt through unmet expectations, failure, and brokenness. Yet, the gospel reveals a a profound truth: God's heart is always for reconciliation and restoration.

At its core, marriage is not just about romance or emotion – it's about mission. Romance and emotion are part of the what makes mission fun, but not the mission itself. In Genesis 2, we see that God created Eve as a "suitable helper" for Adam. This pairing wasn't merely for companionship, but for partnership in fulfilling God's calling. When two people come together in marriage, they have the potential to accomplish more for God's kingdom than they ever could alone.

This idea of marriage as mission challenges the cultural narrative that often portrays marriage as simply an outlet for personal fulfillment or happiness. While those elements can certainly be present, the biblical view of marriage goes much deeper. It's about two people coming together to refine each other, to grow in Christlikeness, and to serve God's purposes together.

Marriage is a gift of God which becomes a reflection of Christ's love for the church. See Ephesians 5:22-33. God uses marriage to be a living picture and reminder of what Christ has done. The more we see God's love for us through the symbolism of marriage, the greater our appreciation and gratitude should be towards our spouse. God's grace and marriage should crescendo into recognizing it as a gift from God rather than something we're entitled to.

What does that crescendo look like? How do we grow in appreciation? How do we show our gratitude and God's grace through marriage? Here are a few ways...

1. Make divorce a non-negotiable: By removing divorce as an option, couples create a safe space to work through conflicts without the fear of the relationship ending.

2. Don't go to bed angry: Address issues promptly, even if it means agreeing to discuss them more fully the next day.

3. Fight fair: Avoid blame words, personal attacks, or bringing up past resolved issues. Instead, focus on expressing feelings and working towards solutions.

4. Maintain physical intimacy: While respecting boundaries with children, prioritize the marital relationship and physical closeness.

5. View your spouse as a gift from God: Cultivate gratitude for your partner and the unique ways they reflect Christ's character.

6. Serve one another sacrificially: Following Christ's example of laying down His life for the church, spouses are called to put each other's needs before their own.

Have you found yourself struggling in one or many of these areas? It's essential to remember that God's ultimate desire is always for restoration. Even in cases where failure, pain, and broken trust has done damage to a relationship, through God's grace there is hope for healing and new beginnings through repentance.

A powerful reminder comes from 1 Corinthians 13, the famous "love chapter." When we substitute our own name into this passage (e.g., "[Your name] is patient, [Your name] is kind..."), it becomes a convicting exercise in how we're called to embody Christ's love in our relationships.

Love, as described in this passage, is not a feeling but a series of choices and actions. It's about being patient when your spouse is frustrating, kind when you're exhausted, and persevering through difficult seasons. This kind of love reflects God's unconditional love for us and serves as a powerful testimony to a watching world.

For those in the throes of parenting, marriage takes on new dimensions. For Katie and I, we're intentionally raising our son to be a man who will one day "leave and cleave" to his own wife, leading his family to the feet of Jesus. We celebrate him as he wakes up each morning first reading God's word. We encourage Him and do our best to model for Him what a healthy marriage looks like, and what it means to personally pursue Christ. We haven't always done it perfectly, but we've done it consistently.

As parents we have to remember that everything is caught not taught. What our kids see, they will emulate. We have to set the example. We also have to remember we're stewarding His kids, they're never really ours to begin with. God has entrusted us with His children, and we should love, steward, and guide them back to their Heavenly Father. This preparation starts early, with daily choices to instill values, responsibility, and a personal relationship with God.

As father, I see the stats and studies that show a dad's spiritual leadership cannot be overstated. Time and again studies have shown that when a father actively pursues a relationship with Jesus and leads his family spiritually, there's a dramatically higher likelihood, around 95%, of the entire family coming to faith. Dads, you play a vital role in the soul of your family, don't neglect it.

Whether you're single, dating, newly married, or celebrating decades together, the call to love like Christ is the same. It's a daily choice to serve, to forgive, to believe the best, and to persevere. In a culture that often devalues marriage, living out this biblical model becomes a powerful witness to God's love and design.

As we reflect on these truths about marriage and relationships, let's challenge ourselves:

- How can we better embody Christ's sacrificial love in our relationships?
- In what ways might we need to repent and seek restoration in our marriages or other important relationships?
- How can we support and encourage the marriages around us, pointing others to God's design and grace?

Remember, no matter where you find yourself on the relationship journey, God's heart is always for reconciliation and restoration. Whether that means working to strengthen your current marriage, healing from past hurts, or preparing for a future relationship, lean into God's grace and let His love transform you from the inside out.

May we all strive to love as Christ loved us – selflessly, unconditionally, and with a commitment that endures through every season of life.